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“Quiet people have the loudest minds.” Stephen Hawking
Often when people think about introverts I think they imagine wallflowers that are bashful and quiet…but I’ve found that many introverts aren’t loners.
I covet my alone time but I’ve found most of us are fierce friends and absolutely adore the people that we let in. For me – in large and new social situations I feel awkward. BUT that doesn’t mean I dont love people – it just means I need a little time to feel everything out. In friendships – this isn’t usually a big deal because you are allowed a certain ‘space’ to recharge BUT when you are in love with an introvert…well…I know it certainly has brought up some hurdles for Andrew and I!
Being raised as an only child I had a lot of alone time. And I got so used to it that as I got older…I found that I NEEDED it. If you see me observing quietly it’s not because I don’t want to be involved. My mind is likely going through more in an hour than I think most people do in a day. But its because of that that needed to withdraw gives me the chance to process all that stuff. Without it I become overwhelmed and stressed – and that Tianna is not fun to be around! I can attest that the majority of all of our ‘relational tufts’ have happened during a time when I’ve been overwhelmed and haven’t had the chance to calm my mind and react levelly.
To those of you out there who love a fellow introvert here are a few things that we’ve learned through our 13+ years of being together that have helped us keep the balance with our needs:
1.MAKE SURE to give him or her some alone time. It probably doesn’t need to be everyday (though ask them how much they need) but make sure they get it. Since having children I’ve found it harder and harder to make sure I get my alone time. Kids have needs and generally when I’m not with my family or meeting clients or trying to get in some quality time with one of my close friends, there isn’t a ton left over! So Andrew does his best to give me some me time at least once a week. Once a week for a few hours when I can just veg out, watch mindless TV, or even just go grocery shopping by myself. Many introverts need that quiet time to process and let their minds settle.
2. Be prepared for more nights in. Introverts often get drained with big crowds or large events. I’ve found that whenever we have church, an event with our kiddos, or even just being behind the scenes at a wedding – afterward I’m pretty wiped out physically and emotionally. So expect nights in as introverts need it to recharge!
3. Be understanding and don’t take it personally. Remember that though this may be frustrating or annoying – you love your sweetheart and he/she is just wired differently. Andrew and I have butted heads many a time because he just wanted to do something together…but I needed space. NOTHING against him – he is my best friend in the whole world – but I just wasn’t in a place to give because I was empty. I promise even just an hour to my/themself can make a world of difference and is so much better than forging forward with tensions and stress levels high.
4. Make plans but be willing to break them. This is tough – sometimes we will make plans so much as a month in advance but if we’ve had a tough or busy week I will feel so overwhelmed and need to cancel. But truly – sometimes breaking or rescheduling plans is so much better than going out with a stressed out introvert. But please don’t take this to mean we don’t want to do things! Often we may not take the initiative to make plans but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to. We do!
5. Talk it out!We introverts absolutely don’t expect you to sacrifice your needs all the time for ours. Just talk it out. There have definitely been times where I’ve forced myself past some feelings in order to do something that Andrew wanted. We love you and wanna do our part! The best way to approach this is with gentleness and love. Both parties need to be willing to make sacrifices for the other – love is a two-way street!
To my introverted friends out there I hope this helped you see, you are not alone! And to all the extroverts out there I hope this helps you understand us weirdos a little more. <3
At Yours Truly Portraiture we empower women to gain confidence in who they are, loving themselves in true unashamed beauty through the artistry of photography. This goes beyond your session as we support you in this journey of self-love by dropping in weekly with a little vulnerability, encouragement, behind scenes from our studio, and more. Subscribe to our newsletter & as a thank you, I’ll send you a link to download my guide ‘Lingerie for Your Body Type’ to dress to best flatter your body! Join us!