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It isn’t what you think. I’m not gonna tell you that you need to stop nagging your husband, or that you need to appreciate your children more, or anything concerning other people in your life.
This is about YOU.
This habit has caused harm (at some point or another) to ALL of my relationships. My marriage, my friendships, my children and even down to how I interact with my clients. Because how we love ourselves is how the world learns to love and interact with us. So it’s kind of a big deal. Patrciularly if we aren’t loving ourselves well…
Denying Compliments or Adoration from Others. Put Downs.
Self Deprecation. Negative Self Talk. Downplaying your strengths.
Call it what you will. It’s you not recognizing your greatness, your beauty, your worth.
Maybe it didn’t start with us…maybe it began as a saracastic (but not really) dig from a high expectant parent. Or a joking (but not really) remark from a sibling or so called friend. And somewhere along the way we started believing it…
Whether a lot or a little, we all do it. Mine started with my father who nothing was ever good enough for. It started as saracastic jokes and escalated as I got older. Nothing TRUlY was ever good enough. I remember the first time I came home with a 98 on a school test. There was no great job Tianna, I’m proud of you honey. No. It was, “Why didn’t you get a 100?” Years and years more of that and it was no longer his fault but mine. I was so used to defering, believing that nothing was ever good enough that to me, I was never good enough no matter what I did. I COULDN’T take a compliment, so much so that I would downright ignore them, change the subject, or find some self-deprecating retort to get the attention off of me.
I’m still overcoming this terrible terrible habit.
When my husband says I’m beautiful, I ignore it (or give him a little fake smile). When my friends compliment the hard work I’ve been putting in at the gym, I change the subject. When our daughter’s Sunday school teacher compliments our daughter’s behavior—even when it’s not directly about me—I act surprised and respond with some sort of negativity “Oh she’s great here but at home, whew. And even that’s false! She’s truly a great kid! I just can’t handle the positivity…
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HECK!?
NOT OK. Let’s change this shall we? Ready?
Adored? Receive it. Instead of tearing yourself up, speak affirmations (remember that blog post?) and look for the ways to build up instead of tear down.
Too much? Trust me I get it. I’m sharing this six months after I discovered this was an issue for me abd began to make changes. Change is a process. And maybe you need to start smaller like I did.
Need something even more simple? Ok.
Complimented? Say THANK YOU.
Keep it simple. Just say thank you. Receive it. Believe it. Take it in. Mull over it. Smile. Give a hug.
(Yes that’s still a lot but I wanna make sure this is landing. This is important work my love. Because you are worth beliving good things about yourself.
And then…as weeks and months go by, take notice. Take notice of how loving, trusting, and believing in yourself changes your heart. Changes how you regard yourself. Changes how you react to your friends and family. Changes how you tenderly you love others.
The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these. – Mark 12:31
Resonate with what you read above? Struggle to accept your worth? Email me so we can talk more about this!
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